Tips for Moms to Balance their Careers

By: Solange Lopes

The Corporate Sister

I remember bringing home my first baby on a sunny June afternoon, and looking at my husband with quizzical eyes, both of us wondering how we were ever going to make it as working parents. Apparently, it must not have been enough to stop us, as we then brought home a second baby, still asking ourselves and each other the same question. As an ambitious, career-driven mom, the question was all the more pressing as I dreaded not being up to par as a mom and as a career woman. At the time, the very concept of work-life balance had me puzzled to no end. How could I spend enough time with my kids while not neglecting my career? And how could I possibly have a career and be a good mom? These were some of the most heart-wrenching questions that tug at my heartstrings every time I dropped off my kids at daycare, only to run late (again) to work.

Fast forward quite a few years, as I’m waiting for two reasonably well-adjusted teenagers roaming around with their friends at the mall as I type this article perched atop an uncomfortable Starbucks stool… The reality is, over the years, work-life balance did not balance at all for me. Nor do I think that it balances for many working moms out there. How do we achieve balance when things are constantly unequal in our lives? While some seasons of life and work require us to spend more time and energy at home, others have us focusing more on our careers. Even when trying to realistically integrate work and life, fitting every task into any free time slot we can find ends up getting us exhausted and depleted…Never mind the fact that now more than ever, the support and care for moms has dwindled down to almost non-existent levels…

So, at the end of the day, how can working moms effectively handle and enjoy both motherhood and their careers? While I don’t believe there will ever be a perfect work-life balance, and work-life integration is effective but exhausting, what I have come to believe in is in defining and honoring the various divine seasons of our work and lives. If like myself, you’ve been on this journey of motherhood and career, here are some tips I would like to offer from my experience (and many trials and errors):

1. Define (and re-define) who you are in each season of life and work

Each season of life and work is different, and requires a different woman, mother, partner, wife, friend, etc.. Being the mom of a newborn is very different from being the mom of a middle schooler, or that of a teenager. Different phases of our careers also require us to show up in different ways, in different roles and with different responsibilities. While we ought to remain authentic through it all, authenticity looks different from one professional and personal phase to the other.

This is where stopping to define who we are in this season of life and work is crucial. I know too often, I rushed through different phases of life and work, not adjusting and adapting to the environment, mindset, or demands. And I got stuck, unable to flow between motherhood and work…As a believer, it starts for me with seeking divine guidance through prayer, as I embark on the various transitions of life and work ahead. It’s getting still and listening to the small voice inside to find direction and guidance in a world full of contradictory opinions and voices, and moving when the right time comes…

2. Define your priorities

The path of working motherhood is littered with choices. Do I take this international assignment or do I attend the kid’s play? Do I miss the soccer game or do I take this opportunity to clean the house? Do I add one more errand to the to-do list or do I take time to rest? These questions used to literally throw me into an agonizing mayhem of hard decisions.

A few years back, I started defining what really mattered to me, and where my priorities lay as a believer, a mother, a wife, and a career woman. My priorities are my faith, taking care of myself so I can take care of my family and pursuing my God-given purpose. Anything that does not fit in these simply isn’t going to happen. Defining my priorities serves as a compass to all my decisions, both small and big.

3. Don’t compartmentalize, instead create a sense of flow

I remember someone telling me I “should leave my work at work when I step in the house”, and vice-versa. I tried, and failed miserably. Compartmentalizing my identities as a mother, a career woman, a wife, or friend, never worked for me. I’m a mother everywhere I go, including at work. I’m a career woman when I step in my house too, because it’s part of my identity. Yet for too long, I would not mention my kids at work, or would act as if I didn’t have a career in my personal life.

Respecting the various parts of your identity, and refraining from hiding them, helps create a sense of authenticity, flow and ease. You’re not just a mom, or a career woman, or a wife. You wear all these hats, and deserve to honor them in your own unique capacity. You also deserve to have others honor them and make space for them as well.

4. Resist the temptation to do it all!

“You can have it all”, has been the modern anthem for too many working women, including myself. Embedded in this message, is the urge to also do it all. The misleading message that women can have it all and do it all is a trap for too many moms attempting to balance work and motherhood. The reality is, we cannot do it all, neither should we.

Last but not least, do not do it alone! One of the biggest fallacies of modern motherhood is we can do it on our own. Yes, it’s getting harder and harder to find a supportive village, whether in the form of community support or social support. However, trying to go at it alone is still a surefire path to disaster when trying to juggle motherhood and career. Seeking and being willing to receive help is what opens the door to showing up fully as moms and career women.

More than ever, combining motherhood and career is challenging. The extraordinary pressure of modern motherhood, as well as the lack of support and village for moms, not to mention the challenges faced by moms in the workplace, continue to create barriers for working moms. However, as we tread on this path of working motherhood, it is still possible to carve our own successful and fulfilling paths.

How do you combine motherhood and career?

Solange Lopes

The Corporate Sister