Exploring Infertility

By: Danielle Joseph

Fertility is defined as “the quality of being fertile; productiveness” and “the ability to conceive children or young”. From a medical perspective, infertility is the inability to conceive after one year of trying with unprotected intercourse for couples in which the female is under 35. For couples 35 or older this diagnosis comes after 6 months of trying unsuccessfully to conceive. The statistics surrounding infertility are staggering. 1 in 8 couples struggle to conceive, 1 in 4 couples have lost a baby. If you think about your family members, your circle of friends and/or coworkers, you come to the realization that this plight has impacted so many individuals. Since there is so much shame and isolation surrounding this situation, there are many are suffering in silence.

When I got married in December 2015, I did not think infertility would be part of my story. All the women in my family had a honeymoon baby. I am a honeymoon baby. My husband and I decided we wanted to travel the first year of marriage, build our careers, prepare financially, and get used to living with each other before getting pregnant. The following year (2017) we got hit with many hardships as our parents went through different health crisis throughout that year. This had a negative impact on our health as well, due to stress. We purchased our home, and the regained focus on actively trying to conceive in 2018. In 2019, I suffered two early miscarriages and in 2020 we experienced a failed adoption. Doctors could not figure out what was going on because my labs and tests always came back “normal”. We were hit the loose diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” and I began to understand the spiritual attack we were also under. Through this time, I launched a podcast dedicated to couple struggling to conceive, launched a workbook focused on infertility and created a safe space for couples walking this journey. I came to the realization that I was to be a mouthpiece for those who felt they could not speak in this season. There are so many emotions that come with this journey, and the added questions and pressure from family and friends does not help. In my personal walk on this journey I dealt with numerous doctors appointments and procedures. I was humiliated both publicly and privately by individuals who found joy in my time of sorrow. There were moments I could not pray for myself, but in those moments, I leaned onto my village for support.

The journey consisted of so many highs and lows. In May 2021, God shocked my husband and I. We conceived one month before we were scheduled to start an Intrauterine insemination (IUI). Our infertility journey can be summed in a caption we used for our pregnancy announcement: 5….4….3….2…1: 5+ years of marriage, 4 years of praying and fasting, 3 years of trying to conceive, 2 early miscarriages, 1 failed adoption and ONE faithful God. God saw it fit to make me a mother and I am so grateful. The years of stress, isolation and humiliation were worth my daughter being born in January 2022.

There are several women who struggled with infertility in the Bible such as Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, Samson's Mother, and others. Each woman had their own unique way of dealing with the challenge, and we can draw out great examples to follow. My favorite story of infertility in the Bible is Hannah. In each occurrence in dealing with others she had such a level of grace and responded well to her husband, Eli the priest and even the woman who provoked her (Peninah). She was unphased and always found herself in the sanctuary during her time of distress. This is something we can take as an example to follow. In our toughest battle, who (or what) do we run to? Do not allow your present situation to move you to the wrong direction. Always run to the source that is your foundation and identity. Remind yourself of what God says about you, not man.

Whatever you are called to produce in this season will come to pass if you remain in alignment with Christ. He is faithful to keep His promises towards His children. Hebrews 11:11 (NKJV) states “ By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive a seed, and she[a] bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.” He is faithful to keep His promises and there is nothing too hard for Him (Jeremiah 32:27). The truth of the matter is this – you can still be fruitful in what seems to be a barren season. Being fruitful is not only tied to the birth of children. What are you called to give birth to in this season? Push through and push that purpose out! After all I went through I completed a devotional entitled “[In] Fertility Journey: 31 day devotional focused on faith and fertility” to assist couples on this journey. I utilized verses that were integral in my season of the ups and downs of infertility. My prayer is that it helps others navigate the challenges that are faced during this chapter in one’s life.

Danielle Joseph